The cover illustration shows a crow holding a newspaper advertisement for "Revenge R Us."
The writing in this section is based off of someone else's work.
Wade Brill is preparing for her friend's birthday party. She is waiting for her brother, seventeen-year-old Micah, to pick her up to take her over but he has not returned from the gym yet. She goes over the other times he has been somewhat of a bad brother then, such as the time he interrupted her and her friends while wearing Wade's underwear on his head.
Soon more time goes by and Wade decides he probably forgot about the plans and she decides to just brave the rainstorm outside. She soon comes by the gym her brother was at around the time she loses her umbrella and he pulls up next to her. But then purposely he hits a puddle in the process, spraying her and her soaked white sundress with mud. He then drops her off, then without so much as an apology he speeds away. Wade goes into her friends bathroom to dry off, when she notices a newspaper ad that will solve all of her problems! It is for a revenge business called Revenge R Us.
Not wanting to go alone however, Wade waits a couple of days until her friend, Carl Jeffers can accompany her. Between then, Micah has stolen Wade's diary and read it over the loudspeaker at a public pool. This has shocked Wade considering he is always sneaking around her bedroom in search of it, but she always kept it in a well hidden spot, under her mattress. Until she can get real revenge, Wade then proceeds to slip a dead garden slug into his coffee while he entertains a girlfriend. Except her mother accidentally took the coffee cup with the slug in it.
Finally the day arrives for Wade and Carl to take a trip down to Revenge R Us, which is located in a trailer park in "the wrong part of town." Once the children arrive at Revenge R Us, they meet the proprietor, a gypsy named Iris. Iris is pretty excited about finally getting some customers, as her business is a new startup, But she is less thrilled, when Wade explains that she has no money. Proving her business model is probably not a good one, Iris offers to let Wade have a free preview of her revenge services, with the warning that they are magical. Wade thinks it is a fine idea and pets Iris' magic crow, Maggie, three times while the gypsy witch casts an itching spell on Micah.
Unfortunately, Iris has trouble and somehow the revenge spell involving the horrible itching is transferred from Micah to Wade! She itches so badly that she scratches herself until she bleeds. Iris reverses the spell then tries to cast another spell so that Micah's hair will fall out during a date. But that spell also gets transferred to Wade, only reversed so that she grows hair. After Wade grows so much hair that she gets weighted down and can't move, Iris reverses her second failed revenge spell and then casts a third and final spell against Micah.
Iris' third revenge spell erases Micah entirely. But oddly enough, Wade finds herself missing her brother, and wants him back. Despite the many things he has done to her, such as shoving her into the bathtub for basically no reason. She goes to Iris and pleads for her to bring Micah back. Unfortunately, Iris is sick of giving away free ineffectual revenges that are horrible, and this reversal will cost Wade. She explains that Maggie, her crow has a sister named Minnie that was captured by Iris' evil sister, which happens to be a house on the same street that Wade lives on. If Wade can go into the house and rescue Minnie, Iris will use the collective power of the two magical birds to bring her brother back to life.
Wade breaks into the witch's house and steals the magic crow, only to be stopped by the familiar-looking hag. It is Micah! He reveals that the entire time, this was a revenge prank against Wade. To ruin her life for absolutely no reason! He explains how he came across the ad in Wade's room and gave Iris 300 dollars to help him instead of Wade upon learning that she had planned on getting revenge against him. Enraged by her brother, Wade steals Maggie and casts a spell on Micah that causes him to do back flips. Micah warns that she probably should not have stolen the gypsy's magic bird, but Wade explains that the hag does not have their address.
She then cuts the debate short by turning him into a slug. Then that gets boring, so she turns him into a frog. After a while, Iris then shows up at their home one day. She apparently got their address from the check Micah wrote to her. Wade refuses to give the bird back and instead casts a frog-turning spell on the witch using Maggie. However, Iris does not transform. She explains that magic birds have rules, and Wade just broke one. Iris explains that you can only use a magic bird for three spells in a day. On the fourth spell, the wish is cast back on the spell-caster, so Wade is transformed into a frog.
- The title of this book is an allusion to "Toys "R" Us".
- This book was referenced in the comedy video "Gersberms" by The Nerdist.