The cover illustration features a vicious looking French poodle with large fangs wagging their tail and sitting by kitchen cupboards. Their pink dinner bowl, in front of them, is labeled "Fifi" and has a cracked bone in it.
His Bark is Not Worse Than His Bite!
You buy something called "Vampire in a Can." At first you think its just a goofy vampire costume with a cape, plastic fangs, and a tattoo of teeth marks. But then you find a packet in the bottom of the can labeled: DANGER—KEEP AWAY!
If you try to open the packet with your teeth it rips in your mouth. Uh-oh. Looks like you've been transformed into a vampire—and you're really thirsty. If you decide not to open the packet, your dog sinks his teeth into it. Now your cute little poodle has become a ferocious vampire dog! Can you save your pooch before he bites off more than he can chew?
The choice is yours in this scary Goosebumps adventure that's packed with over 20 super spooky endings!
List of endings
There are sixteen bad ending, two ambiguous ones, and four good endings.
- Based on the wording to reverse vampirism, you and Gabe decide it says not to drink the Garlic Spray. You try to keep from eating "for four hours and a day" - but you can't resist biting each other, so you complete your transformation into vampires.
- Mr. Reuterly bites Robbie (the bully you tried to give him as a victim) and Gabe, and they both die. He flies away just as Robbie's parents arrive home. You are convicted of double murder, and spend eternity in a solitary confinement cell, in agony from lack of blood (as a vampire, you are immortal, so you can't die).
- You approach Mr. Weniger to ask him where Fifi is. He gets angry, lies about not seeing her, and slams his front door. You have to speak to him, but you're so scared that you try to ask Gabe to ring the doorbell instead of doing it yourself. The book scolds you for being such a wimp, and ends the story there.
- You throw a glass of blood in Countess Yvonne's face, and she is swarmed by the other vampires trying to lick the blood off her. Instead of escaping, you join the other vampires and try to drink some of the blood. You get scolded for making that decision and are advised to close the book and repeat, "It is not normal to drink blood." The book tells you how weird you are, and speculates that you may be a real vampire.
- You're stuck as a vampire bat. Gabe keeps you as a pet and as an in-joke, after he grows up to become a Major League Baseball player, you become the team's unofficial "bat boy".
- Mr. Weniger saves you from the vampire animals and reveals his plans of selling them to the circus for money. You are then bitten by a vampire mosquito.
- Countess Yvonne and the other vampires have drained Gabe of his blood and she locks you inside one of the coffins for years to come - until she decides to free you.
- You are forced to spend the rest of your life listening to Count Von Smelling's life story while hoping that it really is possible to be bored to death, so you won't have to listen any more.
- After you die from lack of blood, your parents let Mr. Reuterly use you as a window display in his store.
- You're in a cemetery, and someone is pursuing you. You decide to hide inside an open grave, but someone fills in the hole with dirt, and you're buried alive.
- You refuse to work with Mr. Reuterly, so he drains you of your blood and leaves you for dead in an open grave.
- After being bitten by Fifi, Gabe attempts to leave you behind, but you suddenly turn on him. You then proceed to bite him and drain the lifeblood from him.
- Another vampire named Carrie attacks your father and drains his blood. Carrie glides away as you slide into the ground weak and lifeless (because you're immortal) - but you're declared legally dead. Your family has you cremated, and then your fangs are given to the undertaker's son as a memento.
- Your mother opens the blinds in your room, and you're instantly killed by exposure to sunlight.
- Fifi tries to save you from the vampire animals from the pet shop, but they overtake you and drain all of your blood.
- You try to escape a bunch of vampire dogs by hiding in a garage, but you're not fast enough. The dogs attack you and apparently kill you.
- You and Gabe accidentally transform each other into full-fledged vampires and decide to pay a visit to the Blood Bank.
- You escape the factory and go to your house for help. There, you find a surprise birthday party in your honor. Since you love vampires, the whole vampire situation was a prank for your birthday. Then you realize that your parents and Gabe are really vampires and your mother offers you blood to drink, thus implying that you are one also.
- You and Gabe turn back to humans by drinking the Garlic Spray.
- You're running from the cops, so you hide out in another town, and get a job working the night shift. You eventually fall in love with another vampire, live a happy immortal life with her and have many vampire babies.
- Your father, a dentist, fits you with braces that make it impossible for you to bite anyone. You discover that you can live off the cow blood in raw steak, and you'll be able to live a normal life as long as the braces are never removed. Then you decide to pretend to be a human for Halloween.
- Fifi and the vampire dogs change back to normal. Gabe tells you that he gave them "dog-in-a-can"; magical biscuits that work like the vampire blood, and turn anyone that eats them into a dog. You ask him for one of the biscuits so you can become a dog for Halloween (it is not explained how you intend to change back to a human after that.)
Reprints and rereleases
|April 28, 2015||Standalone||Paperback|
|No.||Book||Country/Language||Translated title||Release date|| |
Please Don't Feed the Vampire!
|Please Don't Feed the Vampire!||February 19, 2000||Scholastic|
¡No des de comer al vampiro!
|Do Not Feed the Vampire!||2000||Ediciones B|
נא לא להאכיל א
|Please Do Not Feed a Vampire||N/A||Ma'ariv|
Please Don't Feed the Vampire!
|Please Don't Feed the Vampire!||June 26, 2015||Scholastic|
- At one point, Secret Agent Grandma was planed to released before Please Don't Feed the Vampire!. This is evidenced by the fact that The Creepy Creations of Professor Shock addresses Secret Agent Grandma as the next book in the series, and concept art by Mark Nagata addresses this book as the sixteenth in the series. For unknown reasons, Secret Agent Grandma was released after this book.
- Mark Nagata once mentioned that the cover of this book had to be rushed, which may support the claim that this book was released earlier than originally intended.
- Multiple prints of the book mistakenly refer to Fifi as male, when Fifi is female. This error is fixed in the Classic Goosebumps reprint.
- At the time of its release, this book had the earliest point (page two) where the reader was able to make a decision. However, Invaders from the Big Screen and Weekend at Poison Lake would later surpass this book, as they both have choices on the first page.
- Despite Fifi being on the cover, the story line where she turns into a vampire dog is much shorter than the story line where the reader becomes a vampire.
References in other Goosebumps media
- Fifi and Countess Yvonne appear in the film Goosebumps. Fifi is seen for the first time attacking Zach Cooper's aunt Lorraine Conyers after escaping from the Please Don't Feed the Vampire! manuscript, she later appears as a background monster in several scenes. Countess Yvonne also appears as a background monster.
- Fifi appears in "Goosebumps: The Game" as an actual dog.